Seriously. It's Shark Week. The one time every year that I'm thankful I have cable. I just lay back, pop my feet up on the coffee table (sharks might get my toes if they're not off the floor), and turn on the Discovery Channel.
Wait, what's that? I don't have cable anymore?
Anyone want to lend me a cable subscription for the next week?
You know, Shark Week is THE REASON I named this blog what I named this blog, in case you didn't know. Have you ever seen the show "Air Jaws"? No? What about "Air Jaws 2" (Electric Boogaloo - as the hubs would add)? No? Well, last night "Ultimate Air Jaws" aired as the opener to Shark Week, and you know what? Sharks can jump, people. Like, they can fucking jump. Whoever said white sharks can't jump was crazy. I've seen them do it. Unfortunately, I've only seen them do it on the first and second "Air Jaws." I need to see the ULTIMATE, people.
This is the time when I wish I actually had friends. Only if they had cable. And only if they'd let me watch Shark Week without trying to talk to me through all the best parts. And only if they wouldn't try to be my friend after Shark Week. Look, imaginary friends, I just don't have time for you, okay? All I need is a Shark Week fix, and that's it. I don't want to be your go-to person when you're having a bad day. Honestly, I probably won't pick up the phone. I have about 4 people I pick up the phone for, and my Shark Week dealer will not be added to that list. I'm sorry.